So this weekend I was trying to be spiritual and get closer to God... So I tried fasting for the first time. Having a few really intense dreams about death and praying what I believe was at demons inspired me to find out what they meant. Hesitantly I decided might as well fast and ask God what they were about. The first day was interesting. Not sure if I was going to continue because I didn't really know what I was doing, I pressed on. The only thing I consumed was beverages. Typically food is not something that I have to have anyway so I really felt this was going to be easy. Saturday was done no problem. Finished the night with some prayer and meditation (really the only time I meditated). Sunday rears its head and I woke up around 11am, prayed, then started my day again. Not sure what God had in store for me yet but I was excited! Time to head to Circles which was awesome as usual but I still hadn't encountered my spiritual-high or God epiphany yet and became a little discouraged. Time for the epic 9 pm service! Now I am really ready this is where it will happen this is where God will speak to me.
Alright God spoke to me alright. He said Richard what are you doing? Your an idiot. You come to me reluctantly and doubtingly to give up something that is not even hard for you to receive something "incredible"? Uh Oh...! Friends God called me out hard. He showed me exactly where my heart was and how selfish I really am. He showed me my true intentions and I felt ashamed.
I did a fast to try to get something from God and He did give me something but it was hard to swallow. God can take any situation and any motive and turn it around to show us the true desires of our hearts. For me my heart was selfish and really wanted something great in my time and my way. The Father showed me just how much I do not know about Him and myself, but He still loves me and I thank Him for what was revealed to me through my selfish attempt at fasting. I have learned that I want things a certain way and when I don't get my way I get upset. The Lord let me know I am a jerk sometimes and really put me in check. I am very appreciative for this lesson and so amazed that even though I failed at why to fast God still taught me something about who I am and who I am going to be be through my poor attempt of fasting! Its not what I can get but what He can show me. Thank you Lord
KD3
